November 09, 2004
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IN an urgent phone call to British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw, US Secretary of State Colin Powell proffered the following diagnosis of the mental state of senior members of the Bush administration: "They're f---ing crazies."

Now these intellectually challenged characters have been given four more years to run the world – thanks to a rush to the ballot box by millions of Christian fundamentalists convinced that the earth and all its creatures were created in a process of divine mechanics that began at 9am on Monday, October 23, 4004BC – and who support Israel because of evangelical prophecies involving a rapidly approaching apocalypse.

Well, now that the lunatics are in charge of the asylum, what further madness might we expect? Here are a few non-biblical prophecies.

First of all, the f---ing crazies will show Powell, the sanest member of the administration, the door. Or he'll head for it himself on a voluntary basis. Whether the crazies' Donald Rumsfeld goes with him is all but irrelevant, given that it's safe to prophesise a huge promotion for Paul Wolfowitz.

This will lead to enthusiastic escalation in the Iraq war. No longer embarrassed by 100,000 dead civilians, the collateral damage will be unconstrained, as George W. Bush, no more Mr Nice Guy, celebrates his second honeymoon by making missiles rain from the heavens like confetti. The US will attempt to impose democracy on Iraq even if it has to kill many of the voters. And that's not the only tactic that will lead the Middle East and the wider world closer to the Armageddon eagerly awaited by the religious Right.

Here, for example, is my prophecy for Iran. Having poked a stick into that theocratic ants nest, and choosing to ignore the attempts of Old Europe to negotiate and mitigate, Washington will give a wink and a nod to Tel Aviv to bomb anything that might be a nuclear facility.

The Israelis have done this before, quite successfully. Don't be surprised if there's a degree of what's known in the trade as plausible deniability, even a bit of tsk-tsking from the White House when the Israelis do the deed.

Hoping to benefit from the death of Yasser Arafat, Ariel Sharon will make as much mischief as possible in the mourning period. Apart from the vexed question of where the Palestinians will be allowed to bury their leader, Sharon will hope that the transfer of power will be as messy as possible. As usual the Bush administration will cut Sharon an immense amount of slack.

Before we leave the axis of evil, let us not forget North Korea. Washington's continued provocations will keep the North's nasty regime at a fever pitch of paranoia, thus providing George W. and the boys with the excuse to wipe out the place. The UN? It might voice the odd protest as the Bush juggernaut gains speed, but it will be utterly ignored. The UN is regarded as an irritating impediment to US hegemony and Washington wants it to join the League of Nations in the dustbin of history.

Of course, the Chinese won't be too impressed with any attack on North Korea but the most ardent of the neo-cons want to take Beijing on as well. Hence the missile defence system. Beijing knows that its main purpose is to make life difficult for the Chinese. So, apart from triggering a new arms race in our region – indeed, a new cold war – there's the grim possibility that the same intellectual giants that gave us the war in Iraq will start encouraging the most irrational elements in Taiwan.

Domestic prophecies for the US? The widespread looting from libraries of liberal literature by the religious Right, further bans on the teaching of evolution and a war against Roe v Wade via a restacked Supreme Court. And that's just for openers.