Yes, the pictures are private, bewildering to myself. I do not have it in me to be a believer. Nor can I be a true sceptic. I cannot say, in all truth, that I am certain the pictures present as an entity entirely independent of myself. Nor can I say that they don't exist that they are imaginings of my mind! It is not enough for me to ascribe their experience to some unusual manifestation of known phenomena. Science cannot explain them. A striking fact of their colloquy is the general expectation of catastrophe, a possibility that I fear. Throughout them there is a frequent message of apocalypse. I often ask myself whether my mind has learned to manipulate reality to its own secret ends?

I am not dismissing their phenomenon to escape their reality. Blind denial is as empty a response as blind acceptance, and operates on the same level of validity. The visions and pictures are real, quite real to me. But what are they, and what in their context does the word 'real' really mean? I am aware of their controversial nature. If anyone speaks of having 'visions' it is thought that such a person is suffering from psychosis or hallucinating. I ask myself is this what holds me back? Is it, my own fear of being labelled 'crazy'?

Adding everything together, what does it add up to? God knows! I'm trying to persuade myself that they carry little that is of importance. Is there anything I really know, anything I can be absolutely sure of? I cannot dispute that the pictures show bits of information, scraps of subjects, pieces of perspective's which have to be patched together. They seemingly have no meaning but over time begin to add context as an event appears. The pattern of the pictures are confused. I have no way of knowing what truly lies ahead; whereas I am held back by what I know. I attempt to reconstruct their intricate events. Often what is illegible or missing is guessed or imagined and I frighten myself.

I try and approach the dilemma of what is happening to me in a careful and forthright way. My writing no way proves that the recollection of my experiences is correct but I attempt to describe what I picture to the best of my ability. I am dragged to the edge of reality where "the concrete world has slipped through the meshes of the scientific net" and I attempt to deal with a shattering assault from the unknown.