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Thursday, 10. October 2002
The enigma

Faced with the evidence of the pictures I don’t deny their importance. They continue to toss up surprises and anomalies. Hundreds of notes, more of less stuffed with tragedy have become a chronicle of what - the future? A nightmare journal of events, often confusing and unpleasant, they are like a kaleidoscope, forever changing and so various I sometimes wonder how I manage to record what it is I see. There is no chronological sequence to them. One sequence plays over another. I ask myself are they the truth or a corruption of the truth? The credit and credibility of the pictures depends to a certain extent on my own ability to record their interpretation and their clarity depends upon my understanding of the events portrayed.

What are the pictures truly? Are they not fragments of running descriptions converted into words of what it is I see? Some are no more than broken phrases. That is the truth, in the clearest sense of the text recorded - words which emanate from the mind through the pictures of things seen and sensed, the immeasurable translated into terms of the measurable.

I’m more than aware of the melodramatic absurdity of the whole thing. I find it difficult to describe such subliminal flashes, which can sometimes be more felt than perceived. How can I explain what it is I see and sense and the images that jump out of me through words? Words aren’t dead they are alive and behind them lies much that remains hidden. It’s so much more than the true and the false, the half true and the half false, the exaggerations and lies. Images dissolve like foam on the crest of a wave. I am an anonymous observer and I find it difficult to put them into their proper perspective. Reality can often be far too painful. The truth is I don’t really understand what’s going on - I see things through the pictures, I pick up things through the words in news reports but it doesn’t explain what I see and sense which is often so different from what is reported. It isn’t easy to grasp what’s happening and then express it into words.

 
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